Penultimate Party!

The second set of chemo drugs are more punishing on me, than the first. They have more and varied side effects which last for upto 10 days. This means the gaps between the chemo feels very short. By the time I’m upright and fully functioning I’m back in the hot seat! But I try to keep a semblance of normal to my days, walking Woody still being one of my highlights. Although I’m not able to take him to our favourite destination, Wanstead Park, as it’s too far to walk round for me. So imagine my dismay when I took him for our short walk one Monday morning and he began limping. Now imagine how my dismay grew when I realised it was his front right foot, the one which this time last year had a cancerous tumour removed meaning he lost his middle toe! When we got home I checked his foot with my iPhone light and a microscope, searching for any sign. I couldn’t find anything obvious so contacted the vet. They asked me to bring him in and were as relieved as me to diagnose a sprained middle toe, the vet said that maybe the bike antics had had a part to play as he would now have to shift power through his (in our terms) ring finger! I felt very guilty driving my ‘mush mush’ dog home. Sorry Woods back to short strolls mate! And a weeks worth of anti inflammatory drugs set to restore peace of mind!

I’ve mentioned many acts of kindness I have received since my diagnosis. From close friends to a random charity, I have been humbled. One afternoon I received a message from a school Mum I know. Her son was at nursery with Jessica and our paths have crossed on a few occasions, one last year just before lock down. I had pulled up to the school gates early to collect the kids and suddenly became unwell. I was rescued by this lovely lady who bravely drove my car to help me collect the kids. Her message simply said ‘I wanted to do something nice for you so have booked you a Reiki session. Enjoy’ I was again humbled. I had no real idea what Reiki was! Even when I looked it up I still struggled with the full concept but this new chemo was kicking my arse, so I felt anything had to help, surely? We booked the session in for the week after my rubbish week. I went along to the lady’s house and when she opened the door was pleasantly surprised to recognise her face! I had attended some of her Zumba classes following Jessica’s birth in a desperate attempt to see my knees again. She led me up to her ‘room’ and after I took pictures of a space saving desk for Shelley. (Gawd I’m weird) She took some notes. She didn’t ask me specifics about my cancer, I just said I had cancer and was on chemo. She then told me that she would be lightly touching me and hoped I would feel the benefit of relaxing for an hour. I layback expecting to feel nothing but daft and try to figure out how to say I felt great after so as not to hurt her feelings. Within a few seconds I felt my body get heavy, my eyelids began to droop and I did that weird falling off a step drop! Instantly my eyes flew open, I felt my heart racing and thought well that’s that! The next thing I knew she was gently calling my name and touching my shoulder. I was genuinely confused. Where was I? What had happened? She was smiling at me and said I had fallen into a peaceful sleep. I sat up and tried to get my bearings! Then she said ‘Can I ask , do you have a lady close to you, with long blond hair, red nails and a huge smile?’ I laughed and said “you have just described the lady I took the pictures of your desk for!” She burst out laughing then said “I felt her guiding me to your right breast throughout the treatment and she insisted I concentrate there.” I don’t know whether it was because I had just woken up but I felt very emotional! I had not mentioned Shelley before the treatment, just said my friend, and had not told her I had breast cancer or that I had a huge tumour in my right breast. She was as emotional as me and said she had felt the pull so strongly with the image of Shelley right there in her minds eye. When I came out I called Shelley and she was as emotional as the rest of us! Reiki. Who knew! Thank you Ruhena, truly. I spent the rest of that day feeling relaxed, reflective and ready for bed!

When I think back over the year on the run up to finding out about the cancer, I remember 3 sudden health issues. The first was the one in which Ruhena came to my aid, all were sudden, debilitating and similar in presentation. I suddenly became ill: light headed, blinding headaches, fatigued, literally unable to move from the bed or sofa for up to a week. I contacted the GP on the third spell, concerned. They suggested long COVID but I tested negative. So was sent for a full list of blood tests. When the GP called me with the results, she said that I had a complete clean bill of health. I was so relieved, I still had a niggling voice in the back of my head saying “but what was that?” I’m not sure and nor are the Dr’s that either have anything to do with each other but can I just say now….

If you have unexplained fatigue or bouts of illness, go and get checked out. I’m not saying they will diagnose cancer don’t worry!

Steve has been amazing through this whole experience, I guess all husbands are amazing and probably most double their amazing when their wives are diagnosed with such a scary illness! My sister’s husband was her total rock I know. Steve has taken on cooking for the family. Not the biggest of tasks you may say but Steve has always been ‘domestically scientifically challenged’ shall we say? Still he is trying his best and has only poisoned us once since February. Christmas dinner on you Steve? One of the other things he is doing to show his pants should be outside his jeans, is booking random trips away to coincide with my best days! This round saw us heading to Southampton! We picked the right weather for it too! We stayed in a hotel with suicide windows, you know the ones, they only open 1 inch, & no air-con. The room obviously got the afternoon sun as it was like a furnace! This saw us all fighting each other for the cold shower! The next morning we were up and out the door by 9! Heading to the beach for some breeze! We went to Calshot beach. When we arrived the tide was out about half a mile so we all walked to little sand islands looking at the jellyfish and crabs eagerly awaiting the next tide. After a while we headed back in and as we got back to the beach, turned and saw the tide had already tiptoed up behind us, swallowing two of the little islands and about 1 million jellyfish! Steve lay down and promptly fell asleep I covered his back with his shirt. The kids played in the surf and Woody chased about enjoying the hydrotherapy on his foot! Calshot is a pretty beach, with a gaily painted row of beach huts at the end of the pebbly beach and the Isle of Wight ferry sailing along out in the Solent. Although I had covered the kids in suntan lotion I could see their skin colouring as they played and so decided it was time to head off somewhere cooler. It was at this point I realised Steve’s legs had not been sun lotion sprayed! With blood red thighs and calf’s he hobbled to the ice cream van to sate the kids, us and the dog! Bless him! We stayed in the car for the hottest part of the day, touring around the area, when we came to Lymington, a pretty town with a harbour. We parked up and heading off. Discovering they have a sea water pool! Unfortunately like everything else you had to book your slot in April! The kids were crest fallen so we walked along the footpath that runs between land and Solent. Eventually coming to a beach head with a bench. Steve, the kids and Woody, well not Woody, stripped off and raced down the slope into the cool water! I was by now feeling extremely tired and glad to have a bench to collapse onto for a while. When their teeth began to chatter they all came racing up and we set back for the pub we had passed. A cold beer and packet of crisps revived Steve, who was by now feeling the back of his legs stiffening up! Then we headed back to the hotel. I noted Woody again favouring his left leg and worried we had over done it. We left him in the hotel and headed to TGI Fridays. The kids had never been here and loved it! Mocktails and hotdogs consumed, they played word searches on the kids menu and coloured in the maps! Not enough restaurants have these kids menu’s we concluded! It kept them busy all meal! Then I worried us all back to the room, with images of a whining Woody, foot held up. In fact he was upside down on the double bed, snoring and farting in our airless room and didn’t hear us come in.

A night of no sleep faced me and it was bloody awful. I was so exhausted but just too hot and over tired too sleep. I listened to my new Audible ‘Beekeeper of Aleppo’. This was traumatising enough to keep me awake on its own! 15 games of sudoku, Facebook scrolling back to 2009 and random web searches ‘if I was a tortoise would I dream?’ ‘How do you sex a tarantula?’ And then it was morning! We headed to shade and the New Forest. Our initial plan was to go for a walk but Jessica flagged the moment we got out of the car and Woody limped dramatically. So we headed for the river. One section in particular with a wide bank, shade and swim deep water. Woody raced into the water and searched out his weakest link. A small boy of about 2 who was picking up and throwing stones into the water, Woodys favourite game. The Mother said they had a dog and her child was happy to play with Woody, but I know Woody is an idiot so stood close by ready to grab him….. I was not expecting what happened to happen though. The child picked up a stone, Woody stood on 3 legs with his paw bent up and his head cocked to one side, waiting, the child then threw the stone and Woody attempted to retrieve it. This happened maybe 3 times without incident. On the 4th go the child held the stone for a second too long, Woody believing he was offering him the stone opened his big fat gob and swallowed the stone, the child’s hand, forearm and elbow, then stood there with the lot in his mouth! The Mother shrieked and grabbed her son, I squealed and grabbed Woodys collar, he opened his mouth and out came an unharmed arm still grasping the stone! The child, god love him was giggling his head off and Woodys tail was wagging so fast that the Mother instantly calmed down and laughed too. I didn’t. On went the lead and he was dragged back to the towels on the bank. Bloody dog.

But we had such a lovely weekend it was one of those weekends that feels like a week! Until we got home and realised Woodys foot was worse. I rung the vet explaining that we are going on holiday this weekend and it’s on the Dorset coast so Woodys will be getting plenty of hydrotherapy and I’ll keep him on the lead the rest of the time. She suggested another weeks course of anti inflammatories and an X-ray when we get home. This is shaping up to be be a worrying week.

Today was my penultimate chemo! I walked into the unit fully expecting a problem and was worried when there wasn’t one. Take a seat? Well they haven’t said that to me before! As I sat there going over the past week’s appointments Oncologist on Monday, blood test Wednesday Steroids Thursday. bugger!!! I had forgotten to take my steroids! I’m supposed to start them the day before chemo! When I was called through I told the nurse, she went very quiet and then said “I’ll have to call the Dr.” Oh no! “Why?” I asked. “Because the steroids stop you reacting to the chemo” oh that’s alright then because I bloody well am! But I guess if I don’t take the steroids it could be a bum-hole lot more right? Ok call the Dr! So I had to wait another hour to hear from the Dr that I was to have intravenous steroids, which also needed a precursor product to stop my stomach from reacting to the steroids…it’s like one step forward 3 steps back here. Then the steroids were administered this all delayed the chemo by almost 2 hours! Totally my fault! I won’t forget again. Then I came home and had to pack cases for holiday! During the evening my stomach began to bloat and I was getting cramps, I read the patient leaflet for the drugs I had been given and discovered these are the side effects. Blimey they all like getting in on the act don’t they. Now I’m sat here at 3am without the merest hint of sleep and a 4 hour road trip in the morning. Fecking cancer.